Stuck In the Middle

It has been extraordinary busy for all of us over at Miller Mayhem this summer.  Only half way through the month of June and Rook has turned 3, Jackson turned 5, Matt started his last year of residency, Mary Frances gets sassier by the day (who knew it was humanly possible), and I get antsier by the day (again, who knew it was humanly possible).   I have found myself stuck in the middle of wanting to hit the fast forward button and land in a time 24 months from now (I refer to our time left in training in months as it sounds better than 2 years) and wanting to hit the pause button to freeze the kids exactly as they are today.  It’s hard, the kids are at great ages and are so much fun, they even still think we are great and hug us in front of their friends, BUT we have been on this journey called medical training for 8 years now and it’s hard not to want the last 24 months to fly by.

In April I thought knowing where we would be for fellowship would put my mind as ease, but it hasn’t.  Well, it did for about a day and then I was on to the next thing.  But, like so much of this journey I don’t know what that next thing is.  I promise you I think God constantly laughs at me.  With every new text, call, email, and conversation Matt has with groups about practicing God just laughs.  He knows it’s driving me crazy.  I like plans, shocker, I know, so this uncertainty kills me all the while knowing we are blessed beyond belief and I shouldn’t worry.  Yet again, caught in the middle, I am extremely happy and wouldn’t change a thing and I remind Matt of that all the time, I just wish I could see into the future.

And then there is Matt.  Cool hand Luke who takes everything in stride and worries about nothing.  I guess I worry enough for the both of us and you don’t really want a jumpy surgeon.  I will look back at this post one day and laugh and point out all of the things God worked through for us, but today I am antsy and I’ll probably be antsy until the ink is dry on a contract.  And even then, I’ll probably still be antsy about something.  I actually look for things to worry about, it’s like my hobby. 

So for the next 24 months, Matt will continue to keep his head down and work hard, the kids will create mayhem wherever they go, and I’ll just be over here worrying about anything and everything I can conjure up in my mind. I hope everyone has a great weekend and gets a laugh from these pictures of Miller Mayhem at its finest!